Wednesday, May 1, 2013

1 Month Since Gotcha Day

I cannot believe it's been a month since we met Meiqi Hannah in China. We've been home for 2 weeks. Today was a really hard day for us. I am seeing just how difficult it is for Hannah to deal with loss and grief. A neighbor took the boys to church for a few hours, and I was hoping to get some good one-on-one "fun time" with Hannah but it ended up being a sad morning for her (and me!). She saw the boys leave, in our van with our neighbor. She cried for atleast an hour. I don't know if it's because she felt left out, or she didn't understand that the boys, and the van would be coming back soon. I pray for compassion and understanding. But it's been a struggle for me. It was a frustrating morning. I couldn't help but think "Be grateful that you I am here with you!" [I know, it sounds heartless and selfish on my part]

I've had to ask for a lot of forgiveness lately from the Lord. I've never been on my knees in prayer so much, as I have been the past month. Begging for help. Begging for compassion. Begging for His love to flow through me. Begging for a thankful attitude. Begging for forgiveness at my anger at the life he's called me to. I ask Him why, God, have you called me to this? Why, God, is this so difficult? Why can't I have an easy life? And then I realize that I am throwing the same kind of temper tantrum that my wild 10 year old throws. And I hear God say "Kim, be grateful for all that I've done for you. "

I can choose to be thankful, or I can choose to have a rotten attitude. I can choose to trust God. I can choose to believe promises. I can choose to trust God, rather than my emotions. I can choose to view my children as blessings, rather than intrusions. I can choose to not allow my 10 year old's wild emotions control me.

I probably should've asked Todd write a post today. He's usually a lot more positive than I am. He's a "cup-half-full" kind of guy.

Here are some things I am choosing to be thankful for in my children:

- Hannah's bloodwork came back normal. We've been a little nervous about anything infectious being spread around.
- I am done taking Hannah's stool samples!!
- Hannah and Elijah have taken to each other pretty well. She pushed him on the swing and helped him get dressed yesterday.
- I can see God using Hannah's tears to help the boys become more compassionate. They say "Why is she crying again? Is she ok?"
- Hannah chose to read a bible story book for the first time last night! It was an honor and blessing to show her Jesus on the cross. I told her Jesus says "Wo Ai Ni, Meiqi Hannah" [I love you, Meiqi Hannah]
- I am proud of Micah and his patience with Hannah. If she does something to aggravate him, he just patiently says "No, Hannah."
- We're finally in a good routine each day. Hannah has been playing quietly in her room each afternoon this week, while the boys nap/rest so I can have a little time to myself.
- I am so thankful for my sweet husband, Todd. We've met some single Mom's, also in this journey, and I don't know how they do it. Todd is so helpful, and serving, and patient, and a good sounding board for me.


  1. Kim, I just know you are a great Mom! (But we are all human) God has called you to do this and HE WILL bring you through. Praying with you! And happy one month. :)

  2. Thinking of and praying for you and Todd and your family. Next month will be easier and the next month easier still. You and Todd are awesome parents and doing the right things. Meiqi will continue to adjust, know that. Keep writing on this blog and soon you can look back and see where you were right now.